supremegoddessofall: (Default)
I wore carefully selected jeans, although I rarely wear them. A tie-dyed top (but a blouse, not a T-shirt). Took the time to do my hair, even though it currently requires a half-gallon of gel and nearly as much hairspray since I direly need a haircut.

Tossed on a few pieces of funky jewelry (of course). Open-toed platforms (also of course) to show off my funky neon orange pedicure.

Finally, when I arrived, I carefully labeled my nametag with "current student/diva."

Maybe if they think I'm the diva they won't poke too deeply. Won't see the cracks, the flaws.

They're the applicants but I feel that it's I who must sell myself and our program rather than the other way around.

~~~~~

What a weird little world we all inhabit, here in our heads. Simultaneously both of-the-world and yet not, because we are each our own little worlds.

Tiny bubbles, dancing around each other, hoping that no one will break us. Hoping that we won't break ourselves. Won't show ourselves to be nothing but meaningless puddles, worthless in the great cosmic everything-nothingness.

~~~~~

So "diva" I was, at least for that night. And maybe (just maybe) that's how they saw me. Or maybe the saw the cracks.

If they did see my cracks, I hope they jump in.

There's so much more in the cracks to explore than there is on the surface.

~~~~~

This has been a post for LJ Idol. If you enjoyed it, I will post the voting information later in the week.

Take Heart

Jan. 10th, 2011 09:26 pm
supremegoddessofall: (angry devil chick)
It's not easy being a heartless bitch.

I mean, I must *be* a heartless bitch, given what you whisper when you think I'm not looking.

Forgive me, but I fear you have mistaken the presence of reason for the absence of emotion. Apparently if I do not scream and shout and behave like a gibbering idiot, I have no feelings.

I have plenty of feelings, but I see no positive benefit to be gained in venting them all the time. I am perfectly capable of self-containment. I reflect on my emotions, rather than allowing them to reflect on me.

But, like I said, it's not easy being a heartless bitch. You see, the thing about us heartless bitches is that our relative lack of overt emotions gives us increased energy to pay attention to a lot of things you don't think we notice.

Perhaps it's lucky for you that I pretend not to notice anyway.

Perhaps it's lucky for you that being a heartless bitch requires me to pretend that it doesn't hurt when you call me one behind my back.

Or perhaps it's just lucky for me.

This has been an entry for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol, Second Chance division. I'll probably post a voting link sometime later.

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supremegoddessofall: (Default)
Kimberly Boyd-Bowman

May 2011

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